January 8, 2026

The Pause Practice: A practice for regulating emotional overflow before it runs the show

Before we begin, take a breath.

There is a moment most of us know well. Someone says something, someone does something, or life simply stacks too much, too fast.

It might be an email, a misunderstanding, a boundary crossed, or a build-up of small things with nowhere to land.

Suddenly, your body reacts before your mind has a chance to catch up. Your chest tightens, your thoughts race, and you feel flustered, anxious, irritated, overwhelmed, angry—or all of it at once.

We often call this being “triggered.” But what does that really mean?

What “triggered” actually points to

In today’s language, the word triggered is used casually. In its truest sense, however, it refers to a nervous system response, not an overreaction or a character flaw.

When you are triggered, your body is responding to a perceived threat. It is an internal alarm signaling that something does not sit right.

Research in neuroscience and psychology shows that when the brain senses danger—real or symbolic—it activates the autonomic nervous system. The body shifts into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode before conscious thought comes online.

In other words, your body reacts first, and your reasoning mind catches up later.

Often, what sets this response in motion is not just what happened, but what it represents. It may reflect a violation of your values, a sense of disrespect, a loss of control, or a feeling of being unseen, unsafe, or misaligned with your moral compass.

Emotional overflow isn’t always about one moment

Not every emotional surge comes from a single incident. Sometimes the response builds over time.

It can come from prolonged stress or decision fatigue, unresolved conversations, sensory overload from screens and constant input, emotional labor without recovery, or simply holding it together for too long.

When the body does not have space to self-regulate, emotions do not disappear; they accumulate. Eventually, something small tips the scale. This is emotional overflow.

Here is the challenge: when the nervous system is activated, clarity shuts down. Logic fades, perspective narrows, and any attempt to “figure it out” in that moment often makes things worse.

Before we ask why something upset us, we first need to regulate. That is where The Pause Practice comes in.

The purpose of The Pause Practice

The Pause Practice is not about bypassing your feelings or pretending you are fine. It is about creating enough internal calm so you can meet your emotions without being consumed by them.

It is a pause.
It is a breath.
It is a conscious interruption of the stress loop.

The Pause Practice: three regulating questions

When you feel emotionally flooded, find a quiet moment—internal or external—and bring the situation back to mind. Notice how your body responds as the memory resurfaces, and allow the sensations to exist without trying to change them.

Then ask yourself:

Can I let go of this feeling?
Answer honestly. If the answer is no, that is okay. Stay with it. Breathe. Do not force a yes.

When you are ready, ask:

Will I let go of this feeling?
This question invites choice, not obligation or pressure—just willingness.

Then ask:

When?
Not how. Not why. Just when.

Repeat this cycle slowly, three to four times. Each time, briefly return to the scenario or sensation that created the response, and notice what changes.

For many people, something subtle but meaningful happens. The emotional charge softens, the body feels less reactive, and the memory loses urgency or intensity.

The experience may still matter, but it no longer controls you. This is your nervous system learning that it can complete a stress response instead of holding onto it.

Why this matters

Once the nervous system settles, then reflection becomes possible and now you can ask:

What exactly felt offensive or misaligned?
Which value was crossed?
What boundary needs clarity or reinforcement?

Without regulation, we react. With regulation, we respond.

A reminder from XOLA

The Pause Practice is not about dismissing your feelings. It is about honoring them without letting them harden into tension, resentment, or self-betrayal.

Your body wants resolution.
Your nervous system wants safety.
And your peace deserves room to breathe.

Take the pause.
Ask the questions.
Let the charge loosen.

That is minding your peace.

References:

Harvard Health Publishing. (2021). Fight, flight, or freeze: How stress affects the body. Harvard Health. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/fight-flight-or-freeze-how-stress-affects-the-body

Mayo Clinic Staff. (2022). Stress symptoms: Effects on your body and behavior. Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-symptoms/art-20050987

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

A Note for Care

This reflection is meant to support awareness and self-regulation. It is not a replacement for professional mental health support. If you’re navigating persistent or overwhelming emotional distress, reaching out to a trusted professional may be helpful.